The Gussydome

Back in December, the Metrodome, home of the whiniest, suckiest football club in the country (I am contractually obligated to bash the Vikings every chance I get. It’s in the Packers-endorsed prenup I signed), suffered a serious collapse.  The puffy roof couldn’t handle the weight of the snowfall and one day it simply gave way under all the pressure.  The Metrodome, once hovering round and high in the sky, was reduced to a deflated, flattened eyesore.

photo credit

Unfortunately, the Gussydome could be headed for a similar fate.

 ”Hey, lady. Easy on the dome jokes.”

Okay. So I’m exaggerating a little bit. Shocker.  But, our baby boy does indeed have a bit of an issue with his noggin.  Our family MD checked out Gussy’s head and neck at his 4 month appointment and diagnosed him with torticollis.  Torticollis is not really that big of a deal, at least not the minor case that Gus has.  Basically, Gus has tight neck muscles on his right side, resulting in less range of motion and a slightly tilted look to his face/head alignment (and I just thought he was being extra adorable by cocking his head to one side).  The torticollis in and of itself isn’t too alarming. It can be corrected with exercise.  The thing that has me concerned is the super flat spot on the side of Gussy’s head.  We’re talkin’ pancake flat.  The flatness is what led our doctor to refer us to a pediatric physical therapist who met with Gus a couple weeks ago.

The PT confirmed the torticollis and also diagnosed Gus with plagiocephaly. Latin for “holy, crap – why is your kid’s head so flat?”  Even though it sounds kind of scary, this, too, is a very treatable condition.  At this point we are doing the exercises recommended by the therapist and hoping that as Gus strengthens his neck, he’ll be able to even out the weight on his head and allow it to grow and round out on its own.  We go back for a follow up in a couple weeks.  If there doesn’t seem to be any progress, then we’ll talk about other options. Including a helmet.  I swear. You make one helmet joke and karma smacks you in the face. Or the head? Whatever.

While I spent plenty of time finding ways to feel guilty about Gussy’s misshapen head ( he spent too much time in a swing at daycare because i am a terrible mother; he didn’t have enough position changes during the first few months of life because he was so fussy we always held him in the colic hold and flattened his head because i am a terrible mother; etc.), I’ve *almost* resigned myself to the fact that this is no one’s fault and a very minor natural anomaly that can be corrected very easily.

In the meantime, Gussy is working out and doing his stretches three times a day.  Not to be outdone, Daddy is working on his bench press. Since we don’t have a weight bench, we’re making do with other things we find around the house.

And, in other head-related news, Nola Bear’s very first (and hopefully, but doubtfully, last) head injury is healing up quite nicely.  She is bouncing right back and likes to play “Going to the emergency room with Noni where Dr. Brad puts glue on my face.”   So it looks like she is both physically and emotionally scarred by the event.  Go big or go home, right?

I’m kidding, of course.  I doubt her forehead will scar.  And while Dr. Brad struck me as a bit socially awkward, I can see how Nola was impressed by his ability to fix her owie with glue. Pretty cool stuff.  Totally worth re-enacting 18 times a day.

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